NVinNYC

I was lucky enough to find someone selling tickets to the sold-out Guster concert that happened last night. I was really excited to see them because A) they have a new CD coming out soon, B) I haven’t seen them in a while, and C) they’re an excellent live band. However, instead of publishing a review of the concert, I’ll publish this list of list of ten rules that young, first-time concert goers should have explained to them beforehand and others should be reminded of occasionally. Here goes:

1. Talking: While quiet conversation is okay between songs, it is not acceptable to talk to you friends during a song because A) you don’t know or don’t like the song, B) you really like the song and need to tell your friend this, C) you need to decide who to call on your cellphone (see below), D) any other fucking reason. If you need to talk about something urgently then step out to the lobby.
2. Cellphones: People had lots of fun at concerts before cellphones were around. They aren’t necessary at all for concert enjoyment. I can’t understand why people need to constantly use them, they take crappy pictures (use a real camera if you want pictures) and the sound quality is very poor if you’re trying to do any recording on them (use a real recorder). If you need to call your friend, you’re annoying. Do you need to make them more jealous that you’re at the concert and they are not or do you just have something to prove? Finally (as a little throwback) you don’t need to repeatedly flip your phone open to show off how bright the backlight is during a concert. Waste your battery when it’s not distracting to others.
3. Cheering: There are two times when it is appropriate to cheer. Either after a song is done or after a solo or similar demonstration of talent. Cheering any other time is irritating for others trying to actually listen to the music.
4. Opener Acts: Even if you don’t particularly like them, at least follow the rules I have laid out above. They’re doing they’re best and deserve a little respect. Besides, the main act will be on stage for you soon enough.
5. Cutting: You learned in grade school not to cut in lines, don’t forget this at concerts just because there are lots of people. The same goes for cutting to the front: the people there suffered to get to that spot before the concert started. You don’t have any right to push up there, especially during a set when your pushing is interrupt people enjoying the music and standing in front of people will obstruct the established line-of-sight of people behind you.
6. Singing Along: This can be a fun way to build the excitement and encourage crowd participation for some songs of certain styles. However please do not singing along means just that: singing. It doesn’t mean yelling at the top of your lungs out of key. Trust me, if everyone is singing along it will be plenty loud without the shouting match between you and your friends.
7. Requests: Do you see those pieces of paper taped down in front of each of the band members? That’s called a set list, they do it so everyone stays on the same page with what is played when. Also, note the headphones that look like hearing aids that the band members wear. That’s called a monitor, it is used so the musician can hear what is being played instead of the crowd. So please don’t yell out requests, you won’t be heard and even if you are it won’t change what’s going to be played. I promise they will get to your favorite song soon enough; band’s don’t make money by not playing fan favorites. One more thing, yelling requests during a song is just fucking rude for reasons elaborated upon above.
8. In & Out: If you need to leave the crowd area for any reason during the concert, please wait until between sets to come back or watch from another less-crowded area for the rest of the show. I don’t care if you need to get your jacket to beat the rush or need to use the bathroom or if you’re a mom checking in on your little pre-teen. It’s distracting just like cutting.
9. Long Hair: If you have long hair please take steps to contain it. You will likely be in close proximity with others at a concert, especially if you are close to the stage. So don’t put it a ponytail that sticks out behind you or go whipping it back when it’s not in the right position on your head. No one behind you wants to eat your hair or have their nose tickled. Same thing with hats: no big hats that hit others or block people’s view.
10. Marijuana: Is it necessary to make everyone else smell your illicit substance?. Smoking tobacco is illegal indoors, just because marijuana is already illegal doesn’t mean you can toke at a concert. Please consume your weed before the show. This is more of a minor annoyance to me than a real problem, but I still feel it bears mentioning and it rounds out my list to an even 10.

As you can infer from the list, I didn’t have the greatest time at the concert, though this is no fault of Guster. Every item on this list was broken on multiple occasions during the show. This is simply unacceptable. The point of going to a concert is to listen and enjoy the music. If you’re not doing that, or you’re doing something that prevents others from doing that, then you really shouldn’t be at the concert. It could be the the kids (though they weren’t the only poorly behaved group there and some were fine) or New York Guster fans (though I doubt this) or a general New York thing (though other concerts I’ve been to have had no such problems), so I’m unsure if it was just a fluke that I had such a bad experience. In any case, I’m pissed that I spent $50 for a show I couldn’t enjoy because of the absolutely poor and selfish behavior of others.